TAMPA, Fla. — Children nowadays face bullies either in school or online especially on social media.
But there’s a new world of “Adult Bullies” in families, businesses, communities, politics, and between nations.
“People need to realize when it gets personal, that's bullying. If they're talking about appearance, your intelligence, your sanity, you're crazy, whatever. That's bullying,” said Bill Eddy, a therapist, lawyer, and personality expert.
Inside his new book “Our New World of Adult Bullies: How to Spot Them, How to Stop Them,” Eddy says bullies manipulate others by using primitive emotional powers to immobilize victims with blame and shame.
“So, you think you're arguing about an issue like at work, you know, should we do it this way or that way? And they're saying, 'Well, you're being ridiculous! You're being stupid! You don't know what you're talking about! Where did you get your experience?' All these personal attacks to dominate you,” explained Eddy.
That aggressive behavior can quickly impact one’s self-confidence.
“Bullies start putting energy into that personal thing. And that harms people's self-esteem,” said Eddy.
He continued, “If you just sit there listening to someone criticizing you, then your self-esteem goes down and down, and you kind of let them dominate you.”
His advice to anyone dealing with adult bullies is to recognize the kind of person they are and remember to always stick up for yourself.
“Then to decide if it's safe is to speak up and say, 'I don't agree with you, or you're speaking disrespectfully. Or if you keep talking that way, I'm going to end the conversation,” explained Eddy.
Eddy also discovered it’s more accepting to be a bully in today’s world due to the power and attention it seems to bring.
“If you want attention, be a bully. And if you want power, be a bully. So, our culture's kind of turned upside down with making, you know, politics into entertainment. And in entertainment, bullying gets the most attention. In politics, it shouldn't. But sadly, today, it's starting to,” said Eddy.
He encourages adults not to tolerate a bully’s toxic behavior and to take back their power to protect their own mental well-being.
“I think the concept is expect bullies, notice the patterns, set limits, even if it means removing yourself without saying a word. Sometimes that's what you have to do and impose consequences individually and with the help of others,” explained Eddy.
You can read more about Bill Eddy’s book here.
